Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
