I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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