South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
