sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
