Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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