All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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