Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
