I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
