I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
