Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
