Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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