I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
