She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
