Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize