have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
