Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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