Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
