she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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