me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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