Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
