D3 body, D1 cock
i love accidental penises.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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