She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
