So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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