I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
