we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
