we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
it glows. i had to have it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
