she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
