In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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