So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
