Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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