There was a lot of him and a little penis
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize