I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
