We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You are a genius and a whore.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
