I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
