kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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