saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
