i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize