hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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