Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
