I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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