my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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