I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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