he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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