It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
