Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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