Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
