oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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