ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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