he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
