I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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