Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
