it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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