Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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