put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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