I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
