If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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