So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
