im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
