hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
