I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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