I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
