they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize