The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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