I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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